Emotional Taxes at the Workplace, a perspective on workplace racism as a woman of color

"...domino, domino Only spot a few blacks the higher I go" - Jay Z

I have worked very hard over the last decade to move up in my career. I often refer to my career as my first baby as I have sacrificed time, energy, money, sanity and relationships for it. I have seen it grow and bloom over the years into the semi-adult it is now. I'm not exactly where I want to be but I'm well on my way there and I'm happy with the path I have chosen. 
Through the years I have also experienced a bit of what Jay-Z mentioned above, the lack of presence of other people of color in a corporate or executive space where our equity as professionals is lacking. 

I'm often in meetings with executives of my agency as I work closely on bridging agency to client gaps in program areas utilized by several hundred thousand families and individuals in NYC. My experience has been one that hasn't warranted any feelings of marginalization. There is privilege in that. I am often told I am valued. I am often told I deserve more money and I am offered more money. I received a raise AFTER my return from maternity leave, a situation that is not common among women - let alone women of color.

As much feedback I receive, it is still a lonely road here. I started with my unit in 2015 and it wasn't until 2018 when they hired another woman of color where I felt like I could connect and truly be myself at my place of work. Now in 2019 they have brought on 2 more woman of color and I'm happy to see the increase in camaraderie between us and our unit. This has tremendous positive outcomes on our own productivity as we recognize within each other, our success, knowing our the struggles we overcame to get here - the emotional support we show each other yields better performing staff.

The thing is, not every woman of color cares or wants you to succeed. I'm all for supporting one another and teaching one another. I think there are lessons to be learned in communal support that are tantamount to our success. I've encountered women like this at my agency. They think you need to "pay your dues" before learning what they know, or achieving leadership status like them - because that is what they had to do. Sis, all that is teaching me is I can learn faster and better than you because you're stuck in some draconian self-survivalist mentality; it's not going to work out for you. I'm just too damn good at what I do, feel me? Nonetheless it is still taxing, emotionally, whenever this happens. 

If you live this life and can commiserate, tell me how you cope? Me? I enjoy being so good I can't be ignored. As the Queen said herself, "Always stay gracious; best revenge is your paper." 

My friend, your friend, our friend: Fajardo, PR

Yo! I was recently asked for advice on what to do in Fajardo by a friend. I figured I would share it with you as well! Read my response below: 

Where to start?! 

Fajardo is AMAZING - about 45 minutes from San Juan on one highway so it is an easy drive. 

First thing: On a clear night, check out the biobay tours, it is in Fajardo and BEAUTIFUL! You HAVE to reserve in advance, it is a hot tourist attraction and fills up quickly.

http://bioislandpr.com/service_excursion.html

That's the link to the electric boat tour. There are only two companies that offer electric boats otherwise you're kayaking through the 1/2 mile of mangroves until you reach the bay. 

Second: El Yunque. It is about 25 minute drive from Fajardo. Do it. The main trail is about 7.3 miles going and coming up the mountain. So worth it when you reach the top. If there is a clear day without plans - that's your day for El Yunque. When you get to the top, that view!!! UGH! I am in awe each time I go and I've been doing that trail since I was 17. Pack a backpack with water, granola, and wear comfy sneakers for sure! The rainforest opens at 6:30am which is when we like to go. Two hours up the trail, eat breakfast with a view. Two hours down the trail. Grab lunch. Hit the Beach. Grab Dinner. Get drinks and chill on the beach at night. That is usually how our day goes when we have a rainforest day. 

Third: Luquillo Beach (Balneario Luquillo). It is about 15 minute drive from Fajardo. The beach is situated behind "El Kioskos" which is a row of about 60 storefronts that act as bars, restaurants, clothing shops, ice cream parlos, pizza shops, etc. In PR they call all their beaches Balnearios which means spa. Luquillo is a crescent shaped beach with tons of jet ski, kayaking, parasailing activities for tourists and has been ranked as one the top 10 beaches to visit in the world. When you go to the kioskos, visit kiosko #2 at night for your group dinner at least one evening. Their food is fantastic!!! A bit pricey but so worth it. We make it our "Fancy night out" restaurant each time we go. Then we hang out on the beach at night because, well, you can do that in PR. 

Fourth: Balneario Escambron near Old San Juan. About a 50 minute drive from Fajardo. This beach is PERFECT for snorkeling. You can get gear cheap at the WalMart near Fajardo and take a day trip with some bread to this beach. There are some sand fleas so bring a large sheet. There are picnic tables to set up your stuff. The water is clear clear clear and the fish are unafraid.

Fifth: Viejo San Juan. After Escambron shower change and visit Old San Juan. El Morro (The fort) is about six levels deep - if you're going to visit the fort, wear sneakers and bring water. The entry fee is about $5 and grants you all access. The lowest level is the first ever brick and mortar laid on that bedrock and still stands today literally right above the ocean; it is majestic. Old San Juan comes alive at night as well. You can go bar hopping where the cruise ships line up for the night or just walk around in the day time and enjoy the beautiful architecture from colonial era Puerto Rico. 

Sixth: The Bacardi Factory. About a 90 minute drive from Fajardo. Buy these tickets in advance as well. http://www.visitcasabacardi.com/ I recommend the rum tasting tour. After each tour they have a bit of a party where you get a free drink and can hang out on the grounds of the family owned company. 

Seventh: Culebra Island. The ferry is 15 minutes from Fajardo. Something important to mention about Culebra, it will be an overnight trip so book a motel or hotel or AirBNB prior to your arrival. Get there early!!!! The line for the 9am ferry starts at about 6am. Pack food for the beach, and clothes for your overnight stay of course. They have a colony of feral cats on the island to keep the beach clean from crabs and rats and they are lovely and super social. Go to Flamenco Beach. Revel in its beauty and awe. Snorkel. Take pics. Enjoy life. 

Eight: Rio Mar. About 30 minutes from Fajardo. There is a hotel resort on the beach that you can chill out on  and at night they have a beach bar you can buy drinks and dance. 

Ninth: Hotel Conquistador. About 5 minutes from Fajardo. When you get to the main gate, tell them you are going to the casino and they will let you in. The casino is super fun and open to the public. 

 

Tenth: If you're up for an early early morning and want to take a full day trip. Visit Gilligan's Island. There is ONE ferry that goes there from a restaurant that can also bring your lunch if you don't want to pack a cooler. You can also kayak over from Guanica, PR from MaryLee's by the Sea rental shop. "There is an hourly ferry that departs from San Jacinto Restaurant (located just after turn onto rt 333) for about $8/person round trip (additional $$ for cooler/chairs etc). This restaurant will deliver a lunch to you on the island if you want. Their phone number is 787-821-4941. There are also a few other places in that area that offer boat trips during busier periods — just look for their signs." It is a drive from Fajardo, I'm talking like 90minutes to 2 hours if traffic is bad so you need to leave your place by like 6am to get to the 8am ferry line for the 9am departure so you can get a good spot on the little islands. 

This website has a ton of information for day trips if you need more information: 

http://www.puertoricodaytrips.com/

Fajardo is one of the rainiest cities on the island. The northeast coast gets all the rain making it the most lush part of the island. It will rain everyday but for like 15 minutes spurts. Afterwards it will be HOT HOT HOT. Protect your skin and hair and hydrate. Most of all HAVE FUN! I hope you love my island. 

XO,

Nadia

Three Days in Jamrock

Lovelies!
I took a wonderful trip to Ocho Rios with my significant other and FIVE other couples last month for a 3 day jaunt on the tropical island.
Based on my previous travel which left me so exhausted (Tokyo and Puerto Rico) I decided splurging on a three day getaway focusing on rest and suntanning with my love was long overdue.

First thing is first, we stayed at a place called The Big White Villa. No joke. I didn't have the address when I checked into customs in Jamaica and they wouldn't let me in the country. I was diverted to the Information Desk to have them Google the address to the villa then routed back to Immigration to potentially enter the island.

This place is gorgeous! Seven bedrooms, two of them are really apartments on the pool deck level so I'm not sure if that counts. We were lucky enough to get the master bedroom complete with a jacuzzi tub and chaise sofa in the bathroom. I made good use of that jacuzzi tub on the last day when my skin was the color of burned toast. *Drop some organic coconut oil into hot water and soak lovelies. You'll thank me later.*

The best part of the trip was the food! Ugh. We had a Chef, Kevin, who made the BEST damn food I have ever had in my life. Our group went out to dinner at least twice and each time the food was disappointing. I blame bland tourist with their bland palates for causing the demise of cultural relevance in cuisine. We had akee and saltfish, dumplings, greens, fried plantains; that was just day one for breakfast. He made a stewed goat dish for our last night that had us licking our plates. It was divine.

If your family or a group of friends are looking for a place to stay in Ocho Rios I highly recommend The Big White Villa. Just remember to Google the address prior to your flight into Jamaica.

Second, we didn't do much touristy things since our time was supremely limited. We did make one excursion to a place called The Blue Hole. This place is up on a mountain top, about a 25 minute drive from the villa. Wear athletic bathing suits, if you're a woman who likes to look cute in strappy suits - just make sure to adjust yourself after each jump. You'll be cliff diving from 10ft to 25ft the entire time so make sure your top is on when you surface above the water. Learn from me lovelies. Learn from me. You might also want to work on your upper body strength as there is a rope swing about 3/4 of the way into the adventure and by that time your hands are too slippery for any real grip. I plummeted off that rope like a cement block. No bueno. To make up for my lackluster rope swing I decided to be the brave one of the group and jump off the highest cliff (25ft) into the beautiful blue waters below. The instructor adivsed me to jump with an open body and land with a closed "pencil-like" body. Clearly his vision was failing him as I was standing right in front of him, all 38-30-47 of me. I said "OK" and mentally prepared myself for the jump. I was NOT prepared for the stinging ass clap when I entered the water. I landed so hard I felt the sting on my asshole. As in, I was under the water and checked to see if my asshole was still in tact. That's how hard you enter the water. I was amazed I could walk out of the shoreline.

Third, hit up Sugar Pot Beach. It is a tiny beach about a 5 minute drive from the villa over a rather dubious looking bridge. You'll pass a fishing village complete with emaciated stray dogs and puppies (it is an island after all). You'll enter and pay a fee, the fee covers the space your taking up and maintenance. The beach is complete with a restaurant where everything is made to order (which means your food is ready in about 45 minutes) and small cabana areas to put your rental chair and belongings.   WORTH IT! DO IT!

Aside from that I will say as a New Yorker it takes me some time getting used to the laid back attitude of islanders. ANY time we ordered food from an establishment the wait time was minimum 25 minutes. People are not in a rush here. They want to make sure your food is delicious and they will make sure to take the time to get it just right for you. Mother's is a great fast food join we found with PHENOMENAL patties. Try them. If you have the time, find an ice-cream parlor and get some Grape Nut ice-cream. I can never find it stateside.

I didn't shop for souvenirs. I took advantage of all the down time and used my coconut oil as sunscreen to tan and catch up on my reading. I look forward to going next time to lounge on a different side of the island and learn more about the history of Jamaica. Bob Marley Museum anyone?

Until next time.

XO.
Nadia

Tokyo Trip and Tips!

It is our last night here in Tokyo. Tokyo treated me well. I did more shopping and aimless walking around than I like but I can't be ungrateful for my ability to travel and experience another culture others only see through third party mediums. With that being said I'll rate it as a 6 on a 1-10 scale 1 being "I'd rather have Chris Brown beat me into oblivion while he sings all his high notes" & 10 being "OMG Florence & The Machine and Adele are singing a duet while I sip on my all inclusive drink next to the heated pool somewhere on a tropical island near the equator." 

Here are my tips on traveling to and within Tokyo:

Fly into Haneda airport if you can help it. It is closer than Narita and a hell of a lot easier to get into Tokyo from. 

If you fly into Narita, take the Narita express!!!! It is like an express MetroNorth. A cab from Narita to Tokyo is about $225 (¥22,500). That's big honcho money I didn't have. If not, look into the Airport Limousine (their version of Greyhound) for ¥3,000 (~$30) you will be at Tokyo Station (their Penn Station) in about an hour and a half.

Buy your Suica pass in advance. This is your all access pass to their metro system. By the way, they have the CLEANEST and most ORGANIZED metro system. People line up to wait for the train and don't push to get on. They simply wait for the next train. (Who would think right?!)

Wear comfortable footwear. Tokyo is like circumnavigating Herald Square, Times Square and Union Square 1,000 times a day for however long you are in the city. You will have lunch, visit a museum and before you know it it is 8pm your lower back is aflame and your feet have died on you. I have never seen so many Uniqlos in my life by the way. They are like clothing bodegas out here. One big one on the street and mini locations within the train stations.

Get out of the city!!! There are tons of information kiosks to visit and schedule a trip to Mt. Fuji or the countryside for a one day getaway. I DEEPLY regret not doing this. I'm exhausted. I was with a group and deciding on activities was a pain in my ass. I just said "I don't care" & went with the flow. 

Visit their local museums, animal cafés and parks. Tokyo takes great pride in providing great customer service and tourism experiences. If you visit the local Cat Café they will make sure you have everything you need for the ultimate experience. Including a face mask upon entry and a lint roller upon exit.

Try the food! I was much more limited in this because of my shellfish allergy (which they use in damn near everything), so my experience was a lot of beef noodle stir fry dishes. I didn't even have authentic sushi because they didn't wash their hands after handling shrimp NOR did they rinse the counter. So I just played it safe. If you do not have food allergies, do not be like me. Try as many different foods as you can muster & there will be lots. 

Tokyo loves Italian food and Crepes. I saw more pizza shops here than in my own neighborhood in Harlem. There is also a crepe stand every 100ft or so. . . No lie. 

Disney is not really Disney. I just need to put that out there for my hardcore Disney fans. It IS Disney Land and Disney Sea but it is owned by Oriental Land Co. not the Disney corporation and you can tell IMMEDIATELY. It is all in the details or lack thereof. They don't sell same day park hoppers. They don't sell tickets online. They don't have unlimited fast passes. So you NEED to get there by 7am to not only buy your tickets but once the park opens RUN to the rides that have fast passes and get those bad boys before they run out & they will. Their main character at Disney Sea is a naval Teddy Bear named Duffy for crying out loud. They didn't even have a Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney Sea!!!! Or a Lilo & Stitch surfing ride either! They dropped the ball on Tokyo it was very disappointing.

I'm drafting my complaint letter to Disney now. 

Walk on the left side of the sidewalk, stairs and escalators. They drive on the opposite side so please make sure you look both ways before stepping foot into the pavement. I almost lost my life the first day looking one way and not the other.

When it is crowded in the train, people lean on one another. That's cool.

Burping, sneezing and blowing your nose in public are thought to be disgusting. Try to avoid it. Although I was sick here and blew my nose constantly because no one really cares anyway right?

If you can exchange money before you arrive definitely do so.

Invest in an international phone plan for your time here.

Don't tip service staff they earn a living wage so it might be seen as an insult.

Take lots of pictures.

Get all your souvenirs from Daiso, you'll thank me later.

Try to have a great time. I don't know if I will make a return trip. I feel like a lot of my time was wasted waiting for people to make decisions about activities then following them when said activity was over and walking around with no objective (the fucking worst thing to do ever!). Soooooo if you're with a group and know where you are all staying. Google map the shit out of any local attraction, the route to get there and plan your days accordingly. I missed out on a lot I wanted to do so if I decide to visit again the next time I come here will probably just be with my boo & a detailed itinerary. 

Hope this answers all the "How was Tokyo?!" questions I'm going to hear when I get back. 

-NC 💋 

P.S. Next stop is Jamaica and I can almost cry because how dare I take a trip that doesn't include a pool!

Fundraise to Fight AIDS!

I'm so excited for this event! My team and I have worked so hard to ensure this executes without a hitch! Please come to our event, $5 raffle tickets will be sold for a chance to win one of two gift baskets filled with goodies from our sponsors. If you cannot attend please donate here: https://ny.aidswalk.net/nadiachante

NC